Better this time around

hinotoriI’m back in work as of Thursday — and this time around, me getting a job is unequivocally a good thing: it’s a “proper” IT job, it’s in a location to which I can commute via the Northern Line (changing to the Victoria Line at Euston), it doesn’t involve random 24/7 shifts (though there is opportunity to do weekend work at time-and-a-half), and it’s a job I got for myself in a very short time, instead of one spoonfed to me after a long drought to keep me going.

In fact, the only downer has been my sore toe (a TV leapt out at me in our hallway one night… yes, I know, that sounds more bizarre than it should!), which made it hard to hobble around, especially on Friday when I had to rush up to King’s Cross during lunch to see my friends from my former job (the one I finished earlier this month).  Fortunately my supervisor is very understanding and let me skive on that occasion — but I hope the boss doesn’t find out, as apparently she’s so strict that she drove the last guy out of this role after three days!

My greatest fear during the summer was that this year, 2015, wasn’t just a repeat of 2012 as I’d hoped (despite one of the main events being me failing a Windows-based exam), but more like a “greatest hits” of 2012, 2013 and 2014.  After all, the first four months saw me cold and massively anxious, just like in 2012, and late spring to early summer saw me feeling similar depression to 2013, when I’d come back from my holiday and realised just how much I hated my “normal” life and needed to change; thus I was scared that autumn and winter this year might be as bad as 2014, and see me stuck in jobs that I hated but couldn’t leave without facing total ruin.

However, even if late 2014 to early 2015 was a rerun of late 2011 to early 2012, it was still better somehow, and I think I can safely say it’s thanks largely to “best mate” standing by me, encouraging me to keep going to the cinema and Winter Wonderland instead of sitting at home all the time — and still climbing and seeing my personal trainer meant I maintained some semblance of health as well.  More recently, my old work friend recommending I take St. John’s wort (and indeed buying me another packet when I finished there, which was appreciated as it’s damn expensive!) has kept my spirits up and enabled me to almost conquer anxiety entirely — and to really appreciate, emotionally rather than intellectually, that my folks in Worthing would support me even if something went wrong.

This brief period of unemployment was far more tolerable than December and January, partly thanks to the weather not being as cold (or the nights as long), and partly thanks to me getting almost spammed with job application offers by agencies!  Indeed, this week just gone was my first week of interviews, and it was the second company with whom I interviewed that took me on — but the first one had also invited me back for a second round, so I hadn’t necessarily failed with them either!

Moreover, the company that took me on were very eager: my first interview was on Tuesday and my second on Wednesday, when they told me I’d be starting on Thursday!  I know the company for whom I worked briefly in November were also eager to get me in, but this one seems much more of a worthy organisation rather than a two-bit media operation with a porn channel filming upstairs, and it’s in the heart of London rather than a dump like Brondesbury Park.  That’s why I’m fully committed to staying with them… at least until I’ve been with them long enough, and proven myself sufficiently indispensable, that they’d offer me more money to convince me to stay if another company tried to tempt me away.

(But not right away, because I’m still a contractor during my first month of probation!)

It’s dizzying to remember how hard I tried to find work in January especially, yet how many failed interviews I had.  I wonder if my newfound positivity is what enabled me to get this job — to believe I really could get a job, and that I deserved it.  Too often I’ve felt that I’m too old to change career, and that I should have stayed at Camden and worked in admin for the rest of my life; it’s good that I can finally feel vindicated in the choice I made, back in June 2013, to join an IT training agency and really go for a computer-based career.

My next negative cycle to break will hopefully be how I never seem to get a second date with a girl…

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