I’ll try to keep this update short, but suffice to say I’m no longer satisfied waiting for women who are older than I feel to ask me out through that one specific website, and thus I’ve decided to pick myself up after being flattened during the winter and get back into the dating scene, hopefully to resolve my singularity issue once and for all.
Well, hey, even Mr. Data in Star Trek: TNG tries to become more human — even though he has no possibility of doing so, he says the impossible goal encourages him to improve and develop as an intelligent being. Similarly, that old book The Missing Piece features a being not unlike Pac-man searching for, well, its missing piece, and having all sorts of adventures in the search — to the point that it decides not to accept the piece it eventually finds because it would mean the end of its adventures. Thus, I am compelled to get out there and socialise — just like I did in the second half of 2013 onwards — and if I get a girlfriend, well, so much the better, but a long-term relationship may not be what I want at this point.
I’ve rejoined OK Cupid, and feel that this time things will be different, because I’m actually going to write to women instead of waiting for them to write to me! That happened in 2013, and involved a date that wasn’t spectacular, so I’m going to try to take the initiative instead. I’ve also rejoined the infamous Tinder, though early results are not promising: one definite spammer (she asked me to verify myself through a dodgy website), and two disappearances who either regretted swiping me right after I returned the favour, or were spammers who got caught out by someone else, and banned.
Meeting people in person is always better, though, and so in addition to continuing to attend my beloved social yoga and group climbing sessions, I will get back to attending other meetup events such as the “lates” at the Science and Natural History museums, and singles events like the pizza-making I went to last week (“best mate” has expressed an interest in coming along to the next one of those). On that occasion I did remarkably well: I “number-closed” four times, though in the event I didn’t call any of them.
(Why? Either I felt the chase was better than the catch, or my wine goggles wore off…)
And finally, I’m going to be more open with my friends about my situation, and ask for help — not necessarily to be fixed up, but certainly to conquer anxiety. A lady at work invited me to the pub on Friday, and although I didn’t enjoy myself so much, I feel a bit more able to allow my work colleagues into my life (and indeed spoke to them today). At the very least, they can let me know who in the office is single and who isn’t, which is a better method than simply assuming any girl I fancy is in a relationship, and thus wussing out of even speaking to her.
Doubtless I’ll be downhearted the next time one of my potential romances goes nowhere, but I’ll keep trying no matter what — I’ve been feeling too much stupid self-recrimination lately, and I’ve decided not to let my age make me feel like I have no “right” to even try (just a pity it’s always displayed on dating sites). I won’t go into details, but suffice to say I’ve got a few “leads” at the moment, and it’d be a shame if every last one of them turns out to be a failure — or indeed a “never had a chance in the first place” situation, which happens too often to me for me to discount the theory that it’s a conspiracy — but one thing I’m discovering is that I feel a lot less anxiety (including the instinctive loathing of men that I mentioned before) when I feel like I have genuine hope of meeting someone special.
It’s worth noting that I’m getting over £700 in an unexpected tax rebate, and so I won’t have to worry about wining and dining; and, if all else fails, I can use some of it to visit a strip club — specifically the one recommended by my dating coach (who is, yes, a woman) — in the hope that I can loosen up and stop feeling so awed by women. It’s something I could and perhaps should have done with “good housemate” on my 30th birthday in 2007, but back then I declined out of petty morality (i.e. “female best friend” wouldn’t have forgiven me). I’d be too intimidated to go alone, but I ought to be able to convince some of my male friends to join me: you get free pizza…