Premature congratulation?

anal_pratdirge

I really wish I didn’t need to keep posting this image (or the Eminem “Recovery” one)

Oh, how I wish this could me my last ever post about my job search — simply because it’s getting tedious going on about this subject, when I should be complaining about my failure to get a girlfriend instead!  I’ve had several interviews recently, but there’s one job rising above the others that I really, really want — because it would change my life and give me the opportunity to work in IT with the legal industry, which would be extremely lucrative; I’ve had two good interviews with them (albeit one via phone with a guy in Chicago and the other via Skype with two ladies, one in London and the other on the US Pacific coast), and now I just have to wait…

However, last week I did some odd things: I started acting like I was back at work and my life was back to normal, and began doing things I used to do a long, long time ago…

  • Making my own sandwiches.  Although it’s cheaper than buying them from the shop, it also reminds me of when I worked for Camden and brought my sarnies along in a plastic box (which I also still have).  If and when I work again, I’ll try to make them every morning, just like I used to…
  • Buying Doctor Who DVDs.  I finished season 21 back in December, but now want to get on with, er, Colin Baker’s time as the Doctor; I’ve been holding back, but even if I don’t get this job, I still think it’s about time (ahahaha) I resumed this part of my life — I’m close to the end, after all…
  • Going to singles events and even going on dates.  I don’t have a girlfriend as a result, but tonight I had a nice time with a new friend — and I decided that either she’d be “the one” or I’d get the job, so here’s hoping it really does work out that way…
  • Listening to my “no skits” playlist of all my music.  It started on my way to an interview Friday a week ago (just before my first “good” interview) when I thought “what the hell”, and it has continued ever since.  I’ve even been able to cheer when Gwar come on!

One thing I’d really like to go back to normal is me being able to get up in the mornings — even at the weekend I have trouble motivating myself enough to turn on my TV and watch Frasier in bed, let alone weekdays.  You’d think I’d be jumping out of bed to play games, wouldn’t you, and indeed I do once I’ve dragged myself into a vertical position, but simply getting up these days is very, very difficult.  Mind you, it might just be because it’s winter and thus getting up is an unpleasant prospect at the best of times, and only a strong compulsion (like having to leave the house around 8am for an interview) can get me moving.  The upset stomach I’ve had for a few days isn’t helping either…

I know in my heart that I will be better once I’m working again, and the job I’m hoping for is certainly my best prospect; I’ve done my best in my interviews, and it’s surely out of my hands now whether I get chosen or not (apparently there’s one other person from my agency they’re interviewing as well, and it’s by no means certain either of us would be chosen anyway).  However, I feel I should make some kind of pledge to improve myself even further if I have this job — that I’ll stop glaring at people who yawn on public transport without covering their mouths, or thinking negative thoughts about loud, surly East European blokes (note I have no problem with women of any culture, it’s always men I find myself antagonistic towards).  I will also do my best to do something for charity other than dumping old stuff on charity shops, such as working in a local soup kitchen, as the thought of becoming homeless is so horrifying that I want to help those who have already had to endure it.

(Yes, I know I’ve got my folks to support me and a home in Worthing to run back to if all else fails, but what if I didn’t even have that?)

Of course, it’s possible I’m too focused on this one job and have banked too much on getting it (this has certainly happened before), so I have to keep my options open.  I’m still applying for jobs, and indeed going to a long-delayed interview on Wednesday, though considering the company involved I hope I don’t get it on ethical grounds (let’s just say a much-loathed politician founded the place) — but I’ll still try my best.  I’ll also keep applying for temp admin jobs, and put pressure on the agency I spoke to at the end of 2014 (and for whom I got a CRB check), as it’s getting ridiculous how long they’re stringing me along!

And finally, perhaps my knowledge of Japanese will come to my rescue: my new female friend (someone who asked me out via a website) recommended I apply to Japanese banks here in London, as they could always use a Japanese speaker.  Maybe I’d start out in admin and move sideways into IT… and if all else fails, I’ll try for the JET programme, and go teach English in Japan.

What I really DON’T want to do is sit here every day applying for jobs and getting few to no responses — I feel useless and unmotivated.  I don’t pretend I’ll be completely all right if I get this job, much as I continued to suffer from anxiety and nausea for a couple of weeks after I found this house in early 2012, but I’ll be on the mend.  I just need a jerrrb…

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