No improvement?

I see the girls go by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
–Rolling Stones, “Paint It Black”

You may recall that around this time last year I had a massive crisis… yes, I’ll just leave you to re-read that old post for a while, so you can recall how down I was back then.  Part of what set me off back then was, ironically, the summer: even though I loathe the dark, cold winter months, in the summer it’s attractive women wearing less that makes me feel a little sad, as I become pessimistic about my chances of getting dates with them.  For many years I believed I had no right to even try (partly thanks to that damn prank in 1997 where my “friends” tricked me into chatting up a girl and then condemned me for doing it), and I’ve been working hard to get out of that mindset; unfortunately, yesterday I had a setback…

Suffice it to say, I went to a meetup group based around Far Eastern languages, and I went with the primary aim of chatting up girls and hopefully getting dates.  Perhaps I’m wrong to do so, and some kind of evil chauvinist, or a desperate loser, but them’s the breaks.  Unfortunately, even though I thought things went well, when I got home I discovered I’d been “removed” from the group, due to “negative feedback”.  They haven’t been forthcoming with specifics, but unless it was purely down to the guy I tried to get rid of because I hadn’t realised he was in our area of the pub for the event, it must have been me coming on too strong to various female members of the group.  Much like that day last year, when I realised a girl I liked had left the sci-fi group and knew it was because of me, seeing the e-mail made me very, very low.

On the positive side, as I realised before, things always look better in the morning; and in addition, I don’t seem to have been “removed” from a Japanese-specific meetup group that I went to this evening, and where I tried to chat up a 19-year-old student (or at least, not yet).  However, I got out of there when I recognised someone from Monday’s meetup, because I dread to think what she may have told me… and I didn’t drink any alcohol, and wonder if I’ll ever do so again in a meetup group, since it apparently causes me to behave like a jerk.

In other areas, my romantic life is at a standstill.  Tinder hasn’t helped at all (beyond spending ages when I was in Michigan chatting to a girl who lived too far away for me to meet her, especially since it was my last night there), and a Japanese-focused dating site seems to have been a waste of money, due to no-one from London actually going there on any kind of regular basis… oh, and as I write that, someone without a picture expresses “interest” in me — which makes a nice change from women in Japan, China etc. that I’ll never meet!  But I did get texting someone via that site recently, only for that to go south, very likely because I asked to meet her — or rather, as my dating coach advised, said “let’s meet” (perhaps that doesn’t work on Asians?).  I’m also not getting asked out any more via that other site, or successfully asking anyone else out, even when they have free gold membership for a day…

Once again, I’m left with the feeling that I’m only likely to get any girly action if I go to America, and that the progress I think I’ve been making has all been an illusion.  I was low on Friday as well, but my personal trainer managed to make me feel better about myself, so maybe I just need to immerse myself in positive people.  That won’t be happening at work, where almost all the good people have left or moved to the new building — and guess who hasn’t?  (I’ll write about my hideous work situation another time, or possibly never, bearing in mind my usual dedication to this blog!)

However, I have had the strange notion in the back of my head for ages now that things will change once I start my new job, and thus my new life…


2 thoughts on “No improvement?

  1. Pingback: Actually, yes, some improvement | Dave-ros Lives!

  2. Pingback: Going through changes | Dave-ros Lives!

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