No, not like that (unfortunately), but I have been getting my head together this past week, and sorting things out in my life. For example, on Wednesday I had a haircut… which doesn’t seem so remarkable until you consider the facts that (a) I usually insist on getting it cut by a bloke in Worthing, and tried to get home to visit my folks in time for an appointment on Saturday, only to discover he wasn’t even there that weekend, and (b) most barbers, along with many other types of shop, bizarrely close at around the time we 9-to-5ers get out of work. Seriously, who gives barbers the bulk of their custom during the daytime? Can unemployed people afford to get their hair cut regularly?
Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to put my hairstyle to use yet, as all week I’ve been busy either going climbing with “newest friend” or seeing my personal trainer. And even though “newest friend” wasn’t able to go to the cinema tonight, due to a family commitment, I didn’t have the chance to go out on the town and work my mojo because my “smart” clothes need to be clean for tomorrow… when “female best friend” is getting married.
(Are you fed up with my weird names for everyone in my life yet? Good, in that case I’ll continue!)
How do I feel about my quasi-little sister getting married? Well, only “jealous” in the way that a father would be sad that his little girl was all grown up and flying the nest. I do need some new friends, after all, because all my old friends are pairing off and having lives of their own, and “newest friend” is only one bloke, with problems of his own! However, I’m glad that I’ve been able to get her married off to a guy that I hope will take good care of her.
It got me thinking, though: I never got together with her, and it’s probably because I made a vow, when I first moved into my student flat for my post-graduate course in 2003, that I wouldn’t “try” for any of the girls I was living with (or for “other female best friend”, who was on the same course as me and “female best friend” and lived in a nearby building), because if it went wrong we’d still have to live together, and I felt better being their “big brother”. This is something I wish I’d thought of for my trip to America, because I would have saved myself a lot of misery (and probably putting one young lady off being my Facebook friend… yeah, serious business, first world problems, thank you for that) if I’d done the same there, at least with the females I was on tour with. After all, I should have known we’d have time to go out in the cities and meet American women (who have always been my objective anyway), and that the people on my tour wouldn’t be my whole world forever!
On that note, I’ve also finally begun putting up my holiday pictures on Facebook (yeah, serious first world business problems, whatever), and, perhaps more importantly, processing all the receipts I saved from the trip and (thanks to online banking) putting the amounts into the budgeting spreadsheet I’ve been keeping since I moved out of Caledonian Road. Needless to say, what with the helicopter ride at the Grand Canyon, the shooting range at Las Vegas, and buying drinks for already-drunk girls at Hermosa Beach (which represented the closest I came to “getting lucky” so far in my entire life), together with the usual rent and food bills, I’ve ended May 2013 slightly in the red, but I still have plenty in the bank…
Which I might need soon, because I’ve asked for a consultation at a London-based IT training agency — I spurned them back in 2006 when I found out they’d want me to commit to getting into IT, and not just do it as a sideline, because back then I still held out hope of getting back into science; now, however, I’m so sick of working in admin for all these years that I’ll jump at the chance to escape! Hopefully the courses I’ve done in MCSE, C++ etc. will stand me in good stead, and I won’t need to break the bank getting retrained for something I already partially understand.
Y’know, at work I have to start up and log into a whole host of laptops every 60 days, to stop them “dropping off the domain” (i.e. the domain server deciding they’ve been gone for too long and disabling their computer accounts, so they can’t connect to the network any more… you’d know this kind of thing if you were me!); the other day I encountered a particularly annoying and slow one, and wondered (or more precisely, fervently hoped) that this would be the last time I ever logged into it… wouldn’t that be a wonderful thought, that I could be months or even weeks away from the escape I have so long sought? Yeah, fat chance, I know, but one day I will hopefully be in such a position.
One final thought, and it’s about girls: yes, I know, but bear with me, I may have had an epiphany. (Uh huh huh huh… that joke sounds ruder in British English, trust me…) All these years I’ve had this mental block, thinking I somehow don’t have the “right” to even chat up girls, and that I should only ever be friends with them and let any kind of relationship magically appear out of nowhere, and it’s only every other bloke in the entire world who’s allowed to chat women up, fail over and over again, and finally succeed. Well, it’s all due to an incident in February 1997 when my (ahem) friends at university, having gotten me quite drunk, told me that a female friend of theirs fancied me… and then told me I was being “desperate” when I tried to chat her up, telling me I shouldn’t be trying to get with someone I didn’t even know. And my old school friend also told me I shouldn’t hope to “go out” with someone I had just met, apparently disregarding the American idea that you can “ask out” someone you want to get to know, not just someone you already know well!
So, it occurred to me, when I was feeling down on Wednesday evening and getting my hair cut, that I shouldn’t let such stupidity get in my way and rob me of my confidence. Yeah, maybe I’ll just make a nuisance of myself, but so what? I’d rather be a nuisance than a complete non-entity, and it’s high time I learned how to chat up women, instead of sitting at home feeling like I don’t even deserve to try. This mental block has trapped me for many years, and it’s high time it got a good dose of Exploding Gel… sorry, I’ve been playing Batman: Arkham City lately.
And that’s my current situation: I don’t know what’ll happen next, but at least I’ve escaped the utter misery I felt last week. Unfortunately my jet lag is still causing me problems, as I keep nodding off at work (though admittedly it is a very dull job, and shifting boxes ironically helps me stay awake), but then at night I can’t sleep for more than two hours at a time without waking up! I certainly hope it’s jet lag and not some other condition, like stress…
Don’t worry, I’ll find something else to write about soon, and not writing it after midnight will hopefully ensure it’s a bit more coherent than the drivel you’ve just read. What’s that? A description of my holiday?! Oh, honestly, you want the Moon on a stick!