There was a time when I sat in my room all the time, playing video games or watching TV, because I couldn’t face the world outside and felt I had no place out there, and certainly no friends. Day after day, I’d come home from school/work and do the same thing…
All that’s changing, however: after joining Meetup.com recently, I’m actually finding that I need to rationalise my socialising so that I can spend time at home doing more important things, like studying IT and exercising. (Oh, and helping update the Barnet Alliance blog once in a while…) I’ve actually had to RSVP “no” to a number of events this week, just so I can have three nights of solid IT studying, to say nothing of how I need to be online on Wednesday evening so I can discuss my progress with a “business support assistant”!
With all this hectic business going on, it’s nice to chill out and stay in of an evening; indeed, it’s lucky that my personal torturer has gone on honeymoon for three weeks, as I can come home to do some exercises instead of having to worry about travelling to and from the Castle (although I’ll also see about using a gym up the road on a PAYG basis, since I only have wimpy dumbbells).
I’ve been busy enough lately: I went with “newest friend” on Friday night to see World War Z (I think it brings something fresh to the zombie genre: an international setting!), and on Saturday I went climbing with him, which was a mini-adventure in itself as we drove to Wood Green and got public transport from there to Manor House and back again. In the evening I passed up an opportunity to go to that sci-fi society again — not out of contempt (me? Perish the thought!), but because the Northern Line was effectively closed all weekend, and I felt I’d earned a rest. I even had pizza for dinner…
On Sunday I went to Hyde Park (luckily there’s a direct bus) for a picnic with a group of people who, like me, suffer from shyness. And we actually had a good time, despite the dreary weather, but it was good to come home again; I was actually a little relieved that “newest friend” didn’t want to play tennis after all (though another time would be fine). And although I didn’t study on Sunday evening, I still did some housework, and actually tidied my room for the first time in ages.
(That deafening roar is the sound of my mother cheering…)
I guess what it comes down to is this: (yes, Dave’s having another epiphany, which he’ll doubtless forget by the time he next thinks to write an entry in his increasingly-neglected blog!)… where was I? Ah yes — although at times I get anxious and feel like I’m trapped in my Grand Canyon of a rut, at other times I feel like I’ve earned a nice night in, doing my own thing. I need to strike a balance between the two, and so far I’ve been so over-eager in joining meetup groups that I’ve ended up with clashing events, which has meant I’ve had to decide what to attend and what not, and indeed what nights I need to do nothing social at all, and just unwind!
I said before that I recognised the gilded cage I’d created for myself, but it’s good to retreat in there once in a while, and not feel obligated to spread myself around every single day. After all, something would have to give, and I doubt my employers would be too happy if I stopped coming to work just so I could spend more time socialising, studying and playing games — though if I could get paid to do that… no, that’s a stupid thought, it’d never happen. And even if it did, I’d want a break every now and then, wouldn’t I?
Why, even if I got paid to do this job, I’d need an occasional break to do some paperwork… oh, wait a minute — uh huh huh huh, is that what they call it now, ooh Matron, that’s what she said, etc. etc.!