Yes, I’m sorry, I’ve been very lax in writing on this blog lately, but consider that a positive thing: I’ve got less things to complain about these days! Or you could interpret it as me being too lazy to write this, and too busy playing Borderlands 2. Indeed, last week I wrote entries when I’d been busy during the evening, attending Parliament or going to my C++ class (and missing Spamalot into the bargain), and the next day I even went climbing with my old housemate. I thus have no excuse for failing to keep you all informed about my emotional states, and I apologise most proficiently.
Anyway, there’s something else I’ve let slide: the way I was treated on Thursday by a work colleague after I “displeased” him. No, not the guy from the previous week, my good friend who might come climbing with me one day; no, a different work colleague, but still one whom I thought was my friend, who didn’t apologise afterwards and isn’t, to my knowledge, massively over-stressed or single-handedly keeping our social services office running (though he does do a Sisyphean job of filing old paper files). I’ve let it slide not because I forgive him (I couldn’t do that unless he apologised), but because (a) I don’t want to cause any trouble, and (b) I’m worried that if I raised it with my supervisor, she might actually take his side…
So what happened, I don’t hear you ask? Well tough, I’m going to tell you anyway. One day I needed his help, but I noticed he hadn’t arrived; when I came back from the toilet, I asked my supervisor if he’d arrived, and when she told me to look at his seat, I remarked out loud, “oh, he’s here!”, annoyed at my own lack of observational skills. I then went to his seat quoting Dim from A Clockwork Orange: “He are here, he have arrived!” However, he seemed annoyed at me for talking about his business in front of the office, and later insisted I speak to him in private, where my usually easy-going friend almost exploded with anger at me! How dare I tell the office he was late, he ranted; I attempted to explain that I’d been expressing my happiness that he’d arrived (something which obviously won’t happen again if things remain the way they are), but he angrily cut me off and replied that he didn’t give a damn. Throughout his body language was very belligerent (he may be shorter than me, but he’s stockier), and when he finally stormed off, I was left angry, upset and… shaking.
It took the rest of the morning to calm down, but I held out hope he might apologise (as my other friend did within an hour of biting my head off), since I couldn’t know what stress he’s been under (he’s a family man and rides a motorbike, which sounds hideous enough). Nope, and I’ve tried to avoid interacting with him ever since. However, today he cheerfully handed out a survey to all of us in the office, asking what he does well and where he needs improvement, and I didn’t mention the incident: instead my suggestion for improvement was his spelling (since he put “right” instead of “write” — ja, ich bin ein Grammarnazi), and I complimented his hard-working nature. Then again, it was an anonymous survey… I wonder, was he trying to get me to tell him off? Or am I reading too much into it?
Anyway, what do you think of me now? Am I overly forgiving, or just too anxious to avoid conflict? I probably would have told my supervisor about it, but by coincidence she’d gone to another building for the morning, and by the time she came back, I just wanted to forget the incident and put it behind me. After all, what use dredging it up now? But I’ll probably mention it at my next monthly performance review, albeit with a request that it go no further, because I don’t want to cause a ruckus.
Ah, office politics… it was so much easier when I had a boss that I (and everyone else) hated, and whose appraisal of me was, to paraphrase, “you’re the best person we’ve ever had in this job, but we need you to do everything totally differently from now on, and stop using your initiative”. That was the only job I ever quit, and I still cringe in fear that I might run into her again!