Oh blast, it’s constantly cold outside and I’m coming down with cold #94 for the year (ironically the day after I had a nice stir fry for dinner, with plenty of vegetables — so you can’t say I’m not keeping healthy in spite of everything). However, I’m hoping I won’t be cold emotionally, as I’ve now started attending counselling sessions: last night was the first, and they’ll continue for another five weeks (illness notwithstanding). I’ll keep you guys posted on how I progress, what knots she helps me untie in the tangled mess of my mind (though a game of “Ker Plunk!” might be a more appropriate metaphor), and whether I’d recommend it for any of you, though I’m sure none of your problems are like mine.
And that’s the thing, isn’t it? All our problems are unique, and we all feel bad at times (I was watching the classic video to R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts” before I went last night), and we can’t really give each other useful advice because none of us are professional psychologists and thus our best advice to each other amounts to nothing more than random flailing about in the confusing sea of life. Or something.
Anyway, even though my problems in life include total regret of my post-school education up to this point (which I’m hoping to redress), chronic lack of confidence talking to women as anything other than human beings (as in, I don’t feel I’m actually “allowed”, in the legal sense, to chat women up) and general pessimism, I know other people have problems as well, some of them worse (e.g. losing their job, running low on money, discovering they have the big “C” etc.). In fact, I found out recently that a really close friend had been depressed earlier this year, despite thinking they’d managed to find “paradise” in their life! That’s why I want to talk to that person so I might have some understanding, because I don’t want it to always be about me, and I want to be there for my friends.
I once noticed that while my own problems seem to floor me with distressing ease, my friends’ problems leave me relatively unfazed… which sounds callous, but actually I think it’s more that I can think clearly and figure out a way to help them, or at the very least support them without falling apart myself. Maybe other people’s problems distract me from my own… and I do need things to distract me from brooding, dark thoughts.
Anyway, enough of that. I now have to figure out if I’m even going to work tomorrow, as my throat resists a mug of hot chocolate (I really should have stopped at Tesco for some Lemsip or equivalent, shouldn’t I?) — and I probably won’t be able to go climbing this week, unless it’s another false alarm, of course. At least a sore throat is my only real problem tonight, and if it develops into a cough, I’ll end up like this classic character…